OK so M1 and I have a completely different understanding of what clean is. Now I am clear what clean looks like to me BUT she is 15 and for the last 10 years we have struggled and fought over the need to keep her room clean. Now I need to be clear, she hoards food, wrappers, dirty sanitary napkins and filthy clothes. We have had a mouse problem with her and so often I am required to go in and help her. Today was one of those days.
Now I am missing things and that was part of the impotence of me telling her “Today after church WE are going to clean your room” She started to protest and I told her to shush she had been asked 3 times to do it on her own and the fact she shoved things under the bed and into the closet instead of cleaning demonstrated clearly to me that she was not able to do it on her own. But before you protest with her know that when I help her clean her room I do not judge or make comments about what I have found. I simply ask her if it fits, does she wear it or will she need it.
I will tell you this I went in at 1:20 and at 3:30 we took a break because my arm and neck are throbbing and I desperately need pain killers and a break. We stopped to get ice cream and ice tea before going back in at 3:50. When we came out again is was 6:35, no I am not kidding. We took out 4 garbage bags full of garbage and another 3 bags of clothes that no longer fit or that she wears. It pained her to get rid of the clothe at times. It took a lot of encouragement and reassurance that it was all right that she no longer wanted to wear this or that and she had grown past them. She needed permission to make these choices and struggled with them at times. But bless her she did it though I know it was hard. I immediately removed all the clothing and the garbage so it could not be re-acquired.
I know a life of loss and she holds onto things because she is unconsciously afraid of not having things. She clings to stuff because it makes her feel safe in some ways. We are working on it but this time we just cleaned and I gave her a bin for her “mementos” no questions asked. It is getting better though I admit it at least this time we only found one container of moldy food and tons of wrappers. Ugg I cannot get it and yet I can it is just so not me but then again I had things and did not grow up in her chaos.
So now we have 5 sets of kids sheets and are looking for a place to donate them. Yes on my Facebook page I did ask for input so we can put the excess to good use.