“But if you close your eyes,
Does it almost feel like
Nothing changed at all?
And if you close your eyes,
Does it almost feel like
You’ve been here before?
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?
How am I gonna be an optimist about this?”-Bastille “Pompeii”
OK I am not writing this for sympathy more out of frustration. So after the fiasco with the orthopedic surgeon on Monday I did my be not to yell at the nurse but relay my frustration. I also have a hacking cough which when it hits causes enough pain in my lungs and down my back I almost black out, yes seriously so thank goodness for cough drops and cough suppressant. Anyway I call her and relay the whole mess and they tell me to come in today. I am hoarse, sore and tired…can I tell you this is not a good combination ever!!!
I come into the office and wait my turn. My phone suddenly blows up with texts. It is the Little’s mom. Little Man had a choking incident, EMTs called he is fine now but she has to come get him. She has no money no transportation can I help. Ummm at the doctor I truly cannot help right now. I can call you when done but CANNOT miss this appointment I am sorry. She completely understands call her when I am done.
I talk to my doctor and she is shaking her head. She says to me “OK you have laryngitis and a hacking cough but your complaint is back and neck pain?” She takes a look at my neck and back and attempts to touch both. The pain was gad awful and I yanked away from her. She looked at me and said “OK this is serious. Your muscles have gone rigid this indicates nerve damage. You are in a lot of pain and need to see a specialist soon.” I tell her about my appointment on 2/17/16. She orders imagery stating that at least I can get images before seeing the specialist to hopefully speed up treatment when seen. I thank her and as I go she says “Oh and try not to cough so hard” I had to smile, of course I will work on it.
I go to get Little Man and see he is fine. The nurse explains it all to me and I promise to relay it to Mom. We go to Mom’s house and I drop him off. I explain what I was told and realize she looks like garbage, like seriously bad. I ask if she is all right thinking she looks overly stressed for the situation at hand but maybe as she is a worrier. She looks me dead in the eye and says “I think I am pregnant with my boyfriend’s baby” OK not her husband’s baby, not the Little’s father but a third guy. “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change.” I am stunned and just manage to squeak out “Well get the blood work to determine if you are or are not.”
My head spins as I drive to work. I have been through this before I know I have. I have had the pain and damage before this was not new but how am I going to be an optimist about this? The walls were crumbling down in the city that I loved and yet I have to be an optimist, ok call in spiritual advisers. I want to cry but that will make me cough so no. I can do this I know I can but what in the heck…..