Two months ago I had to go to a diversion meeting because M1 had stolen my Kindle to sext with grown men. Yes it was as ugly as it sounds. I tried to bring charges against her for stealing and against the two guys she was interacting with for child endangerment. When they told me there was nothing that could be done because “It wasn’t like she threatened to kill someone” I felt the horrific hopelessness that I am sure many families felt. There was no consolation in the fact the charges for the two grown men stuck.
In my frustration I actually said out loud “OK so what you are saying is that I have no rights and she is allowed to continue to victimize me all because I am the only one getting hurt and I am her mother so it doesn’t really matter?” The person leading the discussion asked if I was angry and I looked at her incredulously. My child has been stealing, lying and being sexually inappropriate for ten years and having almost no consequences outside of what I give her…um yes I am angry.
They recommended in home supports and I swallowed the bitter angry response I had in mind and just bit my tongue, I mean what are you going to do for me we are in counseling, we are in PINS what else is next? But heaven forbid I act uncooperative, the system is not exactly for me so I don’t need them to be retaliatory.
The meeting is tomorrow for intake and I need to keep an open mind. I am not sure what will happen but I can’t afford any enemies at this point so here we go putting on my cooperative pants. The deep seated issue I suppose is at this point I have no faith that anything will change. Don’t get me wrong I want things to change but I have tried everything and nothing seems to work. I know hold out hope.
So today I went to church as always and Deacon S came to talk to me. Now I don’t usually talk to Deacon S, I usually talk with Deacon P not for any reason except I am more comfortable with him then her. But today Deacon S came over and asked how I was and I replied “I’m OK” She sat down next to me and looked me dead in the eyes and said “Now we both know that is not the case. We both know you have a lot of things going on right now and if I am not mistaken some medical issues.” Oh right Deacon’s talk forgot about that, no not angry at all.
I talked to her for a moment but did not go into too much detail mostly because I am drained and did not want to get into it. She asked if she could do anything and I told her I cannot think of anything. She patted my hand and said “Do you know how to ask for help?” Hmm odd question but I did admit to her I did not do it a lot. She smiled again and said “We want to help you with whatever, so when you have the surgery you can let us know what you need extra help with and we will be there for you.” I thanked her and realized wow I have a super supportive church.
Yeah it is hard but yes I have to ask for help. I know people are there but I have to be willing to ask and then accept help. This could be an interesting challenge.