OK it has been awhile but so much has happened and so fast there just hasn’t been too much down time. So here is the dump…
We get to talk to N whenever she wants. We have talked twice so far and it is going well so far. I am optimistic which is nice. She wants to be adopted and does not think we are too strange when she reads and talks to us. We send letters too so she has things to see as well. We move to Skype next week. I am excited and nervous, so are the girls.
The Little’s parents are well how do I say this…struggling hard. Mom does not want to be with Dad, Mom is going back to husband (not Dad) and he has only 3 months clean. Husband does not want to raise kids. Mom is shook up and nervous after one night. She does not want to stay in supportive living she does not think there is a problem hanging out with barely clean folks and she is only with Dad for the sex (her words no mine). If I said I was terrified about failure it would be a sugar coat. I am on meds to sleep, no lie, I can’t make this right in my mind. I have told DSS and of course without abuse there is no need to not reunify. I am sick sick sick about what I see as an inevitable train wreck. I am watching the train wreck and cannot stop it. No without meds I don’t sleep at night knowing this is going to burn. I pray the kids don’t get hurt too much more because that is literally all I can do right now.
I brought M1 to probation today to answer to her PINS petition. The Probation Officer read her the riot act and to her credit M1 only tried to convince them it was not “that bad” not that she did not do it. I filed the PINS petition, the years of lying, stealing, sexually inappropriate behavior and running of with boys and lying about it have worn me thin. I have to do something or she will be in a dark dark place. Right now she hates me a tad more then usual but I had no choice she is not getting better. she mocks me with her attitude and her failure to believe in consequences. Now she is momentarily scared straight. I know it will not last but I can take her to court now and make her answer to a judge. She claims she does not want to be on probation. I hung up the conditions on her door, part of me thinks she thinks this is a joke. I suspect she will violate just to see if I carry it out. I must admit I smiled to myself when the officer told her that not participating in therapy is no longer an option.
So there it is the whole update in a few short words. I am exhausted and yet hope soon to have some stability here. I spend a lot of time praying and of course talking to qualified professionals.