Aligning the stars

I have been in a bit of a stuck place lately with the whole adoption thing. Yes signs seemed to be leading up to a specific direction I am a pessimist by training so I accept almost nothing at face value. I spent about three days wondering what could blow up with my current thoughts so that way when it did fall apart at least I saw it coming. Yes I know messed up don’t tell the kids I think this way.

I do the easy thing first. I contact the case worker and say would it be out of line or cross a boundary if I were to give the Little’s Grandmother my name and contact information? I trained her to be a foster parent, she knows me and I am serious about being a resource. The worker responds and says no not out of line but let him do it so she knows it is for real and approved. I explain I was concerned that should they use they might forget so someone sober should have my info in case.

My intentions are good to a point here, I worry about the kids and want them to be safe. Technically if I leave DSS no one will let me know they are back in care so if the family knows I am a resource then if needed and the family requests it then DSS will HAVE to contact me regardless of my affiliation with them. Additionally, I have told both parents so I just want the whole family to know I am in it for the long haul. Part of me hopes I am not needed most of me is terrified I will be and don’t want the kids to get lost in the system. Case worker states he will let me know when he has talked to Grandma but he is in class this week.

Ok then yank out and yank on the big girl panties. Time to face the music and accept the responsibility of my intentions. I contacted the second agency and thanked her for contacting me, explained Hades had broken loose and yes I was still interested in adoption. I hear nothing for two days but we had a snow storm and things get backed up so honestly I was not sweating it. Finally yesterday I get an email and it says simply “Great to hear from you please call me”

Naturally I read too much into it. They are pissed, they don’t want to work with me. Something is very wrong. Of course this is a disaster. It takes me four hours I kid you not to call after getting the email. Finally I fight the anxiety, doubt and fear and give a call. If they say no they say no nothing more can be done. I will have to accept that five is too many and I need to give up my dream. Uggg the pit in my stomach hurts badly.

We make some small talk and I talk to her about vague details. I don’t want to blast anyone because when you trash someone you really only make yourself look bad. I tell her I still have the Littles and they are due to go home at an undetermined date. I tell her about C and my desire to pursue her and that the Littles might come back into care. Then I hear it..

“Well I have to agree with DSS I think 5 is too many. I mean how can you manage all the pick ups and drop offs even?”

I accidentally laughed and said out loud “Oh right you don’t know me. I have a Mothers helper, she actually picks half the kids up for me and I pick the other half up and we meet at the house. She starts dinner if I need and is there for snow days and late opening” The worker laughed and said “Oh ok I thought you were alone alone but you clearly have help” I assured her in fact I did have help. She said Ok then a few questions

1. Are you serious about C?- I stated I was

2. If the Littles came back into care would you pursue them?- I stated I would

3. Are you willing to have your homestudy redone and have us interview your family and come to your house.- Absolutely my house is always openi

I held my breath not knowing what to expect. What I heard floored me:

“OK we will help you get your family. Start handing in the paperwork”

I almost dropped the phone and started to cry. It is possible this could work.

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