Feeling Defeated

So it has been almost a week since both C’s recruiter and I have reached out to my homefinder. I made excuses, tried to think of reasons she did not call and assumed the worst. Finally today I had enough, I checked with one of her co workers, confirmed she was in and nothing catastrophic happened and contacted her again asking her point blank would she consider it?

She claimed she did not have time to get back to anyone, though this was disputed by her co worker. She stated she was still concerned because she thought C would be too much with Little Man and Little Bit. I stated they are due to go home and she could validate this info with the case manager. I stated what the recruiter had told me about wanting success, willingness to troubleshoot with us and my own willingness to adopt all three of the situation presented itself. I sent the email and waited….and waited….and waited.

An hour later no reply and I knew she had left for the day. Another day I was left in the air. I wish if she would say no she just does it and does not drag it out. I assume she went to her supervisor, I assume she told her all the reasons why it would not be good for me. I assume maybe if I am lucky tomorrow I may get that email. But then again maybe I won’t, she might wait a few more days to tell me.

When the case manager dropped off the kids later that night I asked him if she had stopped by. He looked at me confused and said “No why is there a problem?” I simply stated I wanted to look into an adoptive placement but she had concerns the kids might not go home. He laughed and said “Well no one talked to me but yeah that is the plan” I smiled and said “OK but no these guys are fine no plans to move them until they are back to Mom” He smiled and looked visibly relieved.

Yeah she doesn’t have to if she doesn’t want too. It is after all a clique and I for all my time am on the outs. No I cannot appeal to the supervisor should it be denied because she has no loyalty to me or any foster parent. I could go to the Commissioner but then I will lose everything including my foster license and that would mean I could not get C either.

I hate being trapped and feeling totally defeated.