More Information Less Answers

So the recruiter was VERY responsive with all information today about C. I found out a lot of information and yet I am no closer to an answer. When I first read the summary there were so many conflicting pieces, was this diagnosis now this diagnosis, had this behavior, hasn’t had it in two years, failed foster placements now wants a forever family. I read, re read and then read again trying to make sense. I shot questions about all the discrepancies to the recruiter and advised her that as an experienced foster parent something  in this portrayal was not adding up. Something was wrong not like scaring me wrong but wrong just the same. Call it foster mommy senses but I honor those when they start tingling.

The worker sent a LONG email in response to my questions which surprisingly answered all of them fairly well. The story added up and seemed completely within reason. She asked if I would send my home study and I thought what the heck that might rule me out. I hear nothing for several hours and assume it was over my strengths don’t match the child’s needs. I get an email toward the end of the day asking if it is all right that the whole team sees my home study so everyone involved can talk with me? Would I be interested in Skype conferencing them for more information because the team would do that if I wanted to. Ummm no this does not sound like I was ruled out.

I run it past my BFF and her concern is that C will require long term assistance as she is delayed but could feasibly live in supervised living. Can I handle two kids that are delayed? What if Little Man and Little Bit came back, could I handle 5 kids? Yeah I had that concern too, I mean is there enough of me to help all of them? I just don’t know. I don’t know any single Moms with five kids…I just don’t know.

My heart says “If God brings you to it, God brings you through it” But then I wonder if I am forcing something to be. I could proceed and it is possible, highly possible, that my home finder will sink me and refuse to say that she will help or even allow the placement. Yeah my homefinder is like that but what if it all goes through what if it did happen, I think that scares me more.

I don’t know what to do. How do I know if I should go ahead? What is the right answer? How do you know. So many questions and yet not a single answer.

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