M1 wants to be a counselor in training next summer at the YMCA. She is good with kids, can think in an emergency and gets kids involved. It sounds perfect right??? It is all true but it is also true that she sexually abused her sister, molested two elementary school boys and sexually harassed middle school boys. Yes she does think I am unreasonable in DEMANDING we address her issues in this area in therapy. She was a childhood victim of sexual abuse so we know where these issues came from BUT until she was ready, if she was ready, could it be addressed.
The therapist and I told her last month if she was going to do it correctly it would have to start soon. Last time she resisted and cursed at me. I relented. I reminded her I loved her regardless of her issues but for the safety of the other children I HAD to put this in place. If looks could kill, well I would have died two weeks ago. I went in today not thinking much was going to happen. Can I tell you I WAS WRONG!!!!!! I WAS DEAD WRONG!!!!!
Initially M1 stated she didn’t remember what happened. I was confused she told me all about it as a child. I knew the details…a lot of them…The therapist suggested that what happened was that now I was the carrier of the memories so I had to tell her, her story. I don’t normally cry..I mean not ever… but as I saw the tears stream down my teens face as I relayed the horror of her sexual abuse to her I could not stop them myself. I relayed the details and then just touched her on the shoulder as she sobbed. She doesn’t really want me to hold her, she is not a touchy feely kind of kid. So I sat with my hand on her shoulder as she came to terms with all I had said.
The therapist asked me to finish her story and I was confused. She prompted me again “You need to tell M1 how come it suddenly came to an end. It is important for her to know” M1 looked at me puzzled and I resisted for a moment. She had forgotten so why remind her. The therapist urged me a third time and so I took a deep breath
“You told your Mom what was happening and she didn’t believe you. You told your Gramma and she said that you were lying her boyfriend would never. You told me and I called the cops. I threatened to kill him and then your Aunt E and I took you out of the house and I held onto you until your Mom agreed to go back to her house where your abuser was not. Yes I kidnapped you”
M1 stared in disbelief. The therapist said to me “If you were to see him now what would you do?” Without a blink I replied “Probably serve time for the aggravated assault I would commit” M1 laughed rawly and said “She might kill him for real” The therapist agreed I probably would do damage and asked M1 “Why does she hate him so M1?” M1 rolled her eyes and said “Because she loves me and would have no issue going to prison since he hurt me”
Yeah I love her like that and if only she could feel it. But never mind that…my kid talked in therapy today. I mean really talked!! I am so proud and so relieved. Maybe we can get her through this to the other side….God willing….God willing.