Tonight my conscious is bothering me and yet I am not sure what to do. I can’t shake from my head the sadness in Mom’s voice when the kids talked about all the fun they were having with me. I know my job is to treat them as if they family and I have done all my traditional activities with the kids. Yes we go to stock car racing yearly, yes we go camping and often yes we go hiking but in my head I keep hearing her say “See you are having more fun at ANYM’s house then you would have with me.” My brain screamed “But they don’t want fun with me they want to live with you!!” No no I get it of course kids want to have fun but they want parents too and that pull is stronger.
So I asked the case manager what I should do, should I tone it down or limit it. His response surprised me “You should tell Mom everything the good and the bad maybe it will motivate her to get things done” The answer sounded so callous and unlike him. I mean I get it maybe a fire under her butt will get her to follow rules better but still….the sadness is so profound.
I know I need to keep doing what I am doing so the kids can experience things they might not normally. I know that Mom wants pictures so I can take them for sure but still is there a happy medium. Is there really a place to occupy where you don’t have the kids you love and some total stranger is providing them with fun. I know that Mom won’t be able to do many of the things we can do that are relatively low or no cost because she does not drive. I know that some of the expensive stuff we do like the trip to Treepaad would never happen again but still I feel they should not be deprived of it per say.
I don’t know the answer I wish I did. I want them to have the good memories. I don’t like making Mom’s sad.