The Writing Challenge for today was to think of someone you had met in the last year and their impact in your life. I started to look back at a year ago and it hit me what a difference in a year. WOW where to start…ok first with me then the family….
A year ago today I was over 100 pounds over weight. No not kidding not exaggerating. I was as wide as I was tall. I thought to myself I have to change. I have to be there for the kids. I look awful, I feel worse this is not how I envisioned my life to be at all. It hurt to walk, play and heaven forbid get my photo taken. I had signed up for weight watchers but didn’t really follow it. I had to make better choices if I wanted different for me and my kids. I went to a meeting in person and almost cried when I saw the number on the scale. I vowed that day to change it. Enter into the picture my leader Betty. Betty for the last year has been my cheerleader, my inspiration and my reality check for those weeks I don’t “really” work the program. Her straight forward love for all of us is obvious every week as she chides us to “be awesome” To date I lost 32 pounds and no it is not a huge number but it is a start and in part thanks to Betty I keep wanting it enough most days to put down the fork and spend a few more minutes “dancing” with the kids. Oh more tangible success was this weekend….last year Lake Placid Half Marathon in 3:56:03….this year Lake Placid Half Marathon 3:50:13…no not a runner but oh yeah I can walk it like its my job. LOL
The family well it was in just as much turmoil. We had the placement that would rock us to the core of our being. An original placement of a sibling set of three had dwindle down to one. The oldest two had been sent to psychiatric facilities as I was not “able to maintain them” in my home. DSS blamed me and told me I had failed, that I was the problem, that I had screwed up. They had attacked me and M1 and M2 with weapons but yeah it was my fault it was happening. There had been police involvement, mobile crisis teams and of course the ambulance but I should have managed better. The kids were scared and done with fostering and I was not far behind them. I told the agency once this one went home we were on sabbatical to recharge and mostly reconsider our choice to be a foster family. We talked about what they wanted and where they wanted to go from here. They both wanted siblings either 1 or 2 they did not want to foster “kids like these” ever again.
So I enter my journey to adoption. I notified the agency that I wanted to be an adoptive placement and they were less then supportive. I looked at other agencies, other options and then two much calmer foster placements later we are still looking. I was introduced to many wonderful people that bring me hope, bring me laughter and keep me going on this long and strange journey. The names….well I don’t want to embarrass them as many read my posts but I am grateful for all of them as they are often key to normalizing my daily experiences. I mean come on who knows it better then those who have gone through it before me and continue to work it.
Yes it has been an amazing and wonderful year. I can’t imagine just one person in this last year who has been THE MOST influential or key in all my positives. While yes Betty is the only one I met in person who influences me I feel like I know some of you vicariously and that definitely makes things positive for me.