The Mess…I Mean Meeting

So today was the day where it was all suppose to make sense to me and the situation with Little Man and Little Bit. My head is spinning after that meeting it is all such a colossal mess I can barely believe I heard it all so here are the highlights.

The pluses

+ Mom when with the kids does a great job parenting. She plans activities and maintains safety

+Mom has been sober for one year as of 5/26. Very proud of her for that!!!

+Mom is following program and doing what she needs to do while in the program.

+They are looking to extend visits to 5 hours on Thursday and Friday. It might start this week.

+Case Manager and Parenting Coach will go to bat for her “sooner rather then later if she maintains her program and advocate that the kids can come to live with her the program”

It sounded all good so far and I thought OK it will not be a long term placement. I mean I was somewhat sad because I love the kids but Mom is doing well and doing what she needs to so OK lets do this.

The negatives

+ Mom met up with Dad who is still using two weeks ago in the community and gave him money. Last week she went to his apartment to “get back” the money he owed her and she waited for him and then told maintenance that she locked herself out of her apartment so they would let her back in.

+Mom lied to the staff about where she was going when she went to Dad’s. Claims the house manager said she could go and the Rehab staff almost lost it on the spot.

+Mom said “maybe I don’t need any medicine at all so I should be off all of it” Mom is on an anti-anxiety and methadone. Staff  quickly interjected maybe she was doing well BECAUSE of the medicine.

+ Mom continued to state that Dad is a good person and that she has no intention of cutting him out of her life.

OK everyone at the table sat straight up and started in on her about how bad Dad is for her and that he is the key to her undoing. I did not see her face but did she understand this at all. She sounded defensive when she answered, I felt bad for her and yet I was not sure she really understood. Am I too much a black and white thinker, am I the only one who feels like the “plan” has a HUGE potential to go so wrong so fast? Am I being reactionary?

My heart raced in fear as they talked about what it takes to get to overnights. They talked about the program ending in October and she hoped to move to transitional living. My brain kept screaming “She is enabling a user. She does not want to end her ties” My brain hurt but then I told myself I am being stupid, I mean he is the Dad and she did say she would only move back if he was sober. But I kept thinking she is setting herself up for failure and yet I don’t know that she is. Maybe she is strong enough and stable enough and so maybe I need to look at my own biases because maybe this is what is happening.

I am just stunned right now and not sure what to think. I feel like I am not being supportive of her because of all my negative thoughts. I feel like I need to closely examine my own biases and stereotypes because maybe I am the one who is wrong but as of right now I am so very very concerned.

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