The Case Manager came to the house today as part of his monthly check in. He made small talk with Little Man and looked at the house per usual but again appeared distracted. After saying hello to Little Bit he sighed and looked at me “Do you have two minutes and not front of the kids?” I ask the kids to head to Little Bits room to finish the puzzle they started this morning and they run off.
The Case Manager sits down and looking at the floor sighs again heavily. He relays that things are not going well. Of the last five drug tests Dad has taken four have been dirty. A surprise visit to the house revealed it was in total shambles food and garbage strewn every where and smelling awful. When confronted with the scene Dad admitted he had been clean for only two weeks and that long term no he did not want the kids back full time. I asked about inpatient treatment instead of outpatient treatment and Dad refuses to go though he admits it would probably help. Part of me is angry at Dad and yet simultaneously I do understand how powerful addiction really is. I struggle hard with my own values and my inability to understand why you would not do whatever you had to to get your kids back. I am baffled and silent for several minutes.
The Case Manager looks at me and says there is more. Dread fills my heart as I see the look of pain on his face. Apparently Mom is meeting up with Dad in the community. The rehab house is aware of it and are discouraging it but still it happens. Without thinking I blurt out “But that is no good for her. He is using she is trying to get clean!!” As soon as I hear me saying the words I apologize. I mean obviously so why on earth did I just say that out loud. I am surprised and disappointed, mostly disappointed. The Case Manager says he is concerned, very concerned about this and relays that at this point there is no one who can come forward for guardianship. They have exhausted all leads given by both parents.
I don’t even know what to say. I have never had children from parents who were addicted before so this new ground for me. I ask what will happen from here and the Case Manager states that if this continues he is going to be force to file something else. I am momentarily alarmed because I don’t know what he is talking about. Does he mean a termination or something smaller like a violation. He does not elaborate as he gets up to leave. He reminds me of the meeting on the 20th and reiterates the importance of me being present. I reassure him I had already taken the time off.
It feels so surreal. I know what is going on and yet I do not know what it going to happen. I have never had this happen before there was always a time frame, always a concept but today there are only questions with no answers. Three weeks until the planning meeting I wonder what will happen.