I went to pick up M2 from daycare today and the worker pulled me aside “M2 said she wanted to throw herself out the window and die” She stated there was no precipitating factor she knew of but that it happened suddenly. I walked over to M2 who ran into my arms and started crying HARD. I take her home and hold her for awhile wondering all the while what was going on and why my normally happy and outgoing child was crying as if her heart would break. Soon she lifted up her head
“Why my Mommy give me up? Why she no love me and (M1)?”
The tears flowed in earnest now as I held her tight. “You were not given up. Your Mom and I talked about what she wanted for her girls and your Mom thought it would be best if you stayed with me because I could love you and keep you safe, But NO you were never ever given up.” The tears dried a little so I continued “Furthermore Mommy S loves you to pieces but there is a BIG BIG difference between loving someone and being able to care for them. Mommy S loves you to death but she knew she wouldn’t take care of you because of your medical problems”
“But why she do all those bad things to (M1)?”
Ugg this one was harder because M1 was horrifically abused and neglected. Quick prayer please God give me words..
“Honey Mommy S sometimes didn’t know any better. Mommy S was in a foster home where they hurt her then in a group home where no body told her how to be a good Mommy. She made some mistakes, some pretty big mistakes but not because she didn’t love (M1) but only because sometimes she didn’t know better. Honey if Mommy S had had a good foster Mommy then she would have learned all those things but since she did not then there is just no way she could have known”
The tears soon subsided and she lay on my chest for a minute. As I stroked her hair I reminded her that sometimes these days are going to happen and it would be ok but that no matter what all of her Mommies loved her dearly. She picked her head up and gave me a kiss
“I know Mum Mum. I know you love me lots and lots”
Oh honey if I could take the pain of the loss away I would but definitely I love you lots and lots.