Today I had to ask….”Really God I can handle this??”

I love my kids dearly and always suspected there was something more wrong with M2. At first teachers assured me and speech therapists argued minuscule progress but the fear never left my mind, something else was wrong with her I could just tell. Today it all fell through when the school psychologist sent me an email

Yes, the testing results indicate that M2 is cognitively delayed and she will most likely not catch up with her peers academically.  However, Mrs. F has been pleased with the progress that she has been making.  M2 is just making slower progress than her peers.  Her progress should be measured individually rather than comparing her to her grade level peers.
Currently, M2 is identified as student with a Speech or Language Impairment which is still appropriate  However, we may look at changing her classification to a student with Multiple Disabilities due to her cognitive, academic, and speech/language delays along with her hearing loss and Pervasive Developmental Disorder, Not Otherwise Specified (PDD-NOS) diagnosis.  I feel that the classification of a student with Multiple Disabilities describes M2’s needs and functioning better because it is not just her speech/language that is impacting her academic progress.
 I thought I would faint on reading it and the wind was sucked out of me. All my hopes for recovery were dashed it would never happen my child would never not be in Special Education. There would be no college, no advanced training there might be some independent living but even now who knows. I wanted to cry but I knew it wouldn’t help, my daughter doesn’t know how impaired she is and seeing me cry will only upset her so I did not. I felt alone though because I have no friends with kids with disabilities much less “multiple disabilities”. I don’t know many families where I live because I just moved here two years ago and the one support group I had was disbanded because our state did not fund it again this year.
 And so I sat alone with my thoughts, fears and apprehensions. I wondered over and over “why us”  In my mind I hear “God only gives us what we can handle” and I started doubting that voice, and doubting it hard. M1 is diagnosed as Reactive Attachment Disorder and that made life challenging enough but this, I mean really how much more can I really handle? I love my kids and of course with time we will plug through this we always do but for right now…today… it really hurts…

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