I sat at home last night watching mindless TV. I flipped to The Little Couple and I had not really seen it before so I thought, OK let me watch. I knew the basic story line so it was not hard to follow and heck their little boy is a doll.
They are adopting their second child this one from India and I found myself getting angry. Last year it was China this year it was India. In two short years they have two beautiful children. I was angry and jealous here I was a year into the adoption process and I have no additional kids. It did not seem fair at all. Now of course there are several non comparisons, they are younger then me, they are a couple and they have more money then me. But still as I watched the screen I was sad, really sad that they had what I wanted so badly and I sit watching them have it all. No I am not proud of myself for feeling this way but indeed I did feel this way.
I know the process takes time and of course I am foster to adopt so these things take even longer and yet none of that matters when I am feeling sorry for myself. I know everyone has their struggles and they have other issues that I don’t have but still they have expanded their family and I have not. Geez, even as I type this out I realize how small and petty I am being about this whole thing please don’t get me wrong I am not mad the kids are adopted and the couple seems wonderful it’s just that well I am jealous is all.
I know eventually it will happen for me but even when it does it will not be the TV version. I am adopting an older child, she will have issues and problems which will not be covered on TV. We will struggle in ways that even my friends cannot understand. It will be so different then the story in front of me that I smile….sure this is reality TV….it’s just not MY reality.