Feeling Betrayed

Today I received word from my agency that they are not willing to represent me in the upcoming presentation. They have decided that the children are too far away and that I need to limit my search to the surrounding areas (under 8 hours away).

Now once I get past the anger, hurt and disappointment I force myself to swallow the bitter pill which reminds me I did ask for divine intervention if required and this could be the answer I asked for though. My BFF is beyond angry at my agency and was having a fit saying I need to change agencies, I need to go somewhere new and a bunch of expletives that I dare not type here. I reminded her I did ask for divine intervention and that sometimes the answer we get is not the answer we want. Nope she wasn’t having it in any way shape or form.

I was angry and reactive too and so I did call an agency to find out more information. They too told me the only way to adopt older kids with them is to foster adopt which is what I currently am doing now with the county. There are not many agencies in my area that do older child adoptions in fact there was only one the last time I looked. I will concede though that maybe I am looking wrong for agencies but still I did not have any better luck when I did search today.  The other real issue with going anywhere new is that I have to start again from square one and do I really want to do that? We are coming up on a year of looking and do I really want to post pone it for another year to get retrained and re-certified. Honestly, I don’t know.

I feel like a failure on so many levels today it is hard to come to terms with it. I want to believe there are children out there for me but after today I really start to question if I am just dreaming.

2 thoughts on “Feeling Betrayed

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  1. The social worker was holding my files in her wrinkled hands with crooked fingers right in front of my face, yet she steadfastly refused to share the information with me. Wild thoughts rushed through my head. I weighed the advantages of going postal. Impulsively, I wrestled her to the floor while desperately trying to gain control of the manila folder she was holding. Inadvertently, I woke my husband by kicking him firmly in the back. I was having a nightmare.

  2. Ugh, I’m so sorry! I’m really fortunate in my area to have found an agency with a program specializing in older children. It hurts a lot, but give it time to come to its full resolution. Life can sometimes surprise you. It’s not over until it’s over. Breathe.

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