Today I received word from my agency that they are not willing to represent me in the upcoming presentation. They have decided that the children are too far away and that I need to limit my search to the surrounding areas (under 8 hours away).
Now once I get past the anger, hurt and disappointment I force myself to swallow the bitter pill which reminds me I did ask for divine intervention if required and this could be the answer I asked for though. My BFF is beyond angry at my agency and was having a fit saying I need to change agencies, I need to go somewhere new and a bunch of expletives that I dare not type here. I reminded her I did ask for divine intervention and that sometimes the answer we get is not the answer we want. Nope she wasn’t having it in any way shape or form.
I was angry and reactive too and so I did call an agency to find out more information. They too told me the only way to adopt older kids with them is to foster adopt which is what I currently am doing now with the county. There are not many agencies in my area that do older child adoptions in fact there was only one the last time I looked. I will concede though that maybe I am looking wrong for agencies but still I did not have any better luck when I did search today. The other real issue with going anywhere new is that I have to start again from square one and do I really want to do that? We are coming up on a year of looking and do I really want to post pone it for another year to get retrained and re-certified. Honestly, I don’t know.
I feel like a failure on so many levels today it is hard to come to terms with it. I want to believe there are children out there for me but after today I really start to question if I am just dreaming.