An Optimistic Light

Well today I got myself all worked up and I know I should not but I am like a kid before Christmas when it comes to this adoption thing. Two weeks ago you recall I blogged about a sibling set in Ohio. I got an email last Thursday saying she would talk to my worker, I blogged my concerns about the delay in responding etc….

So today I come back from the bathroom and my co worker says “I think I heard your phone” I look and it was a number I did not recognize so I went back to work. About 5 minutes later it dawned on me to look at the number.  The caller did not leave a message but it clearly said “Cincinnati, Ohio” under the number. Could it be about the kids? Were they trying to reach me? Why didn’t they leave me a message? Thousands of questions raced through my head and apparently I was so consumed I did not hear my co worker talking to me. She stood up called my name and said “Hey what’s up? Who called,everyone OK?”

I had to be honest I did not know who called but the number was the agency that the kids were associated with. I had called two weeks ago asking them to confirm they have my home study maybe that is why they called. My heart raced in anticipation…could they be calling because I am a match? Yes it was a long shot but no not outside of the possibility. What if it was nothing? What if it was something?  Quickly I called back and practiced in my head what I would say. I left a basic message, got a call from this number if it was you sorry I missed it if it was not sorry to bother you type message. I went back to my desk and waited….would anyone call?

My head is going a million miles and hour and though I try to stop it I am unable. What if this is the call? I have to stop getting myself worked up with excitement as the fall down will be depressing and yet I hold out hope. I read into the lack of a message…I tell myself it can’t be a match because if it was they would  have said call us back. Am I telling myself this so the disappointment is not so intense or am I just so use to rejection I am walking in familiar territory.

What was that old Heinz song “Anticipation is making me wait…its keeping me waiting”