“So you only have two right now right?” my father asks as he confirms I am coming down for a visit. I reassure him that at the moment yes there are only two. He laughs out loud and says “Ya know you are the only kid I have that I have to check exactly how many kids there are. Everyone else we get formal notice!”
Now please don’t get me wrong my parents are wonderful people and do love me to death but as my mom has said to me many times “You know if it was someone else’s life I would say ‘good for you go do it’ but since you are my daughter I have to be worried” They do on one level support the plan of adoption but on another level they worry about all the what ifs and their bigger concern…..gasp…..she is still single…But in their defense I am not sure they can possibly love my two any different then their other 4 biological nieces and nephew. They are my parents though and as such they worry. Well Mom more than Dad.
When the kids were off playing with Pop Pop my Mom corners me in the kitchen and confirms that yes I am serious about this adoption thing again. I reiterate for what seems to be the 100th time that yes ALL of us want this and yes I am pursuing it as we speak. She gets quiet for a minute an says to me haltingly “So are there websites where you find out who these kids are?” I talk to her about the search and she stares at me in disbelief. She keeps shaking her head and saying over and over again “When did you learn to navigate all this stuff, I never taught it to you” I remind her that for the last 15 years I have been involved in foster care and adoption. I remind her that she herself was a foster Mom and that yes all of these things influenced me and educated me. She continues to shake her head but when I offer to show her the sites she immediately gets defensive and says “No No I don’t want to know, just tell me when it happens. I don’t want to know how it happens” and she is visibly distressed so I stop talking. Finally after a while of silence she looks at me and says “Honey I don’t know how you do what you do but if that is what makes you happy I will be OK with it. Please understand though that I can’t do it. I can’t forgive the parents, I can’t get past that something they did to their children put them in a place where you can get them.” I take her hand gently and say “Ma its ok no one asks you to. Just love them once they come to me” and she replies “Of course I will honey you know that”
Yes I do know that. I have no doubt at all or for even a micro second that when the next set comes they will be just as welcome as the first two were eight years ago.