” At the moment there is a family being considered for the girls so I am waiting to see if that proceeds to the next step. Please feel free to check back with me in a few weeks.”
I was lucky today in a sense, the worker actually got back to me with the news I was not selected. Usually I don’t hear anything at all until I see the status change. Again the familiar pains of rejection coupled with the feelings of loss over what might have been. I tell myself I need to get less emotional about this process. I can’t keep lying every time I submit my home study that this time might be the time but so far 19 times it has not been the case. Sure in some cases we got closer then others we actually were down to one of two or three but so far nothing.
I keep telling myself it will happen and remind myself of the family I know that has waited for several years for a match. No they are still not matched but they only want a Caucasian boy younger then 6 and unfortunately while there are many boys, some Caucasian not many are under 6. What do I want? Well I am a little broader in my search my limiting factor is the gender. I cannot have a boy as my oldest DD has issues. I would take between 1-3 girls up to age 12. I am not concerned with race or ethnicity because whatever differences we have we can celebrate together. Yes there are several but so far none for me. I look daily hoping today I find another opportunity sometimes its days before it happens.
Today though was a good day for finds and I submitted my name for 2 set of three sisters. One set is in Nebraska, one is in Ohio obviously the Ohio would be better for me but at this point I wonder not if it will happen but instead how long till rejection. I tried not to get my hopes up too much as I stopped myself from fantasizing about having all the kids at the house, rearranging the bedrooms and the challenges of raising such a big group. I stopped myself because I had to because if I let my brain get ahead of me the rejection hurts that much more.
It’s only been a search for seven months but some days it feels so much longer then that.