Well I heard back from the two girls I submitted on and unfortunately it was not good news. They are only looking at New England families and NY where I am from is not close enough. Again the disappointment and the hurt but no I am not going to move so I guess I move on. I know there are other kids and in fact inquire about 2 in NY. I get the contact information and try to contact both workers and both contacts are incorrect. I relay that information to the agency who gave me the contact information and they replied back “sorry no other information” so again chased a rabbit down the whole and nothing to show for it.
I am upset and wanted to quit, I mean maybe I am not really a match for anyone so I run this thought past my child. My oldest, the constant quitter, looks at me SHOCKED, and exclaims in a LOUD voice “Mom you can’t quit!!!” I am stunned and asked why thinking she is really invested in getting another sister and she replies “Well quitting is what I do, it’s not what you do!” I have to laugh at this, it has only been eight years together and she truly believes I don’t know how to quit because in her words she has never seen it. But I do want to quit, this is hard and upsetting. How much longer can I deal with knowing I am not a good match? How many more times can I honestly accept no as an answer?
So again I sigh and submit two more inquiries for children nearby. I submitted the request assuming this time that I will be rejected because of some insane reason that I will never know. I want to be hopeful but its hard when constantly facing rejection. I did it though because as upset as it makes me I can’t shake the thought that somewhere out there right now is a child/children waiting, just waiting for me to take them home, to my home.